


2 Hungry 2 Die

by SteveTrevorsStarship



Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [7]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Bodyguard, M/M, This fic is literally nothing lmfaooo, i'm so bad at tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveTrevorsStarship/pseuds/SteveTrevorsStarship
Summary: Roy's life is being threatened. Ed just wants to eat some Xingese with his boyfriend.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813930
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84
Collections: RoyEd OTPoly 2020





	2 Hungry 2 Die

**Author's Note:**

> wow im so sorry this exists part 4754578
> 
> Prompt: Roy receives intelligence information that someone is planning an attack on him. Ed is there to save him. Word count: 429-866
> 
> Base level because you will NEVER catch me writing in first person.

“Is it possible for you to go a single day without an assassination attempt?” Ed asks. His scowl is dark and annoyed. Roy is endlessly amused. 

“And here I thought you would be worried about me,” he says, signing his last paper and pushing the pile to the side of his desk. “Besides, my life isn’t endangered  _ yet. _ ”

Ed groans from his place on the office couch. “It will be if you keep talking.” 

Roy chuckles a little and steeples his fingers together. “Edward, just be my bodyguard.” 

“You’re the Fuhrer! Can’t you just order Riza to do it for you?”

From her desk, Riza sighs like she’s dealing with petulant children. “The woman threatening the Fuhrer’s life is a sniper. She could strike at any time and you spend all your time with him anyway. It was a logical conclusion.” 

“You’re so high maintenance,” Ed says, sprawling on the couch.

“We’ve been dating for seven months,” Roy says, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, “And you just now figured that out?”

“Yeah,” Ed grunts, “Must be a new record for you.” He stands up from the couch and grabs Roy’s uniform jacket, holding it out. “Are we going home or not?”

“Of course,” Roy says as he stands and grabs the jacket. He smiles at Ed and follows the younger man out the door, bidding goodbye to Hawkeye and the rest of the team. 

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Ed asks casually as they leave Central HQ, his ponytail swinging behind him and his hands stuffed in his pockets against the icy winter air. 

“Xingese or Cretan, your pick.” Roy wraps his arm around Ed’s, escort-style. Ed sends him a fiery glare but doesn’t pull away. 

Ed thinks for a moment before deciding. “Xingese. I missed potstickers while I was in Drachma.” 

Roy hums in agreement, taking the next turn for the Xingese place that’s a few blocks away from his house. “How was your trip, anyway?” 

“Great until I was recalled to protect your dumb ass. Why does everybody hate you so much?” 

“I’m not sure, but the only cure is your undying love for me.” 

“Get fucked,” Ed says without heat as they arrive in front of the Xingese place. They walk in and order their usual, greeting Anabelle, the owner, as they do so. Ed thinks the woman is amazing because she’s either unaware Roy is the Fuhrer or doesn’t care. She has a terrifying habit of hitting him on the head with her cane every time he tracks mud into her restaurant. 

Roy once told Ed seeing Anabelle was like seeing Ed in the future– shortness and all. He hadn’t been prepared to be knocked on his ass by Ed as Anabelle whacked him in the face with her cane. 

“I’m not serving you any food if you get snow on my linoleum,” Anabelle bitches at them as they find a place to sit and wait for their food. “I’m not going to slip and break my hip just because you can’t wipe your feet on the damn mat.” 

“It’s so wonderful to be your favorite customers,” Roy says sweetly, smiling up at her. “I wonder what treatment your wife gets at home.” 

“She’s just as much of a bitch as I am, dear, don’t you worry about her,” Anabelle says, handing them their food. “Speaking of bitches, a young woman came in insisting to know where we delivered your food. Nobody told her anything, but I figured you should know.” 

“Thanks,” Ed says, exchanging a glance with Roy. “We’ll see ya later, Anabelle!” Anabelle gives a noncommittal wave as Ed and Roy walk out the doors. “She’s my hero.”

Roy sighs, “I know. It scares me.” He adjusts the bags in his hands and scans the street in case the woman from before is still there. “This sniper is trying very hard to kill me, isn’t she?” 

“Really? It seems like minimal effort at best. She’s on the rooftop to the left of you, by the way.” 

“She’s  _ what?”  _ Roy asks. Ed claps his hands to the ground and a wall appears to his left, presumably blocking the sniper’s view.

“You heard what I said,” Ed says, peeking around the corner. A gunshot goes off and he whips back around to face Roy. “Don’t drop the food, I’ll be right back.” 

Roy sighs.  _ Of course he’s worried about the food.  _

. . .

“It was a really shitty plan,” Ed says to the Sniper as Hawkeye shoves her into an MP car. “How did you know we wouldn’t go out for Cretan instead?”

“I would like to see you come up with an assassination of the Fuhrer!” she screams back, wrestling against her cuffs. Hawkeye shuts the door in her face.

“I sleep with the man,” Ed mumbles, turning to Roy, “it wouldn’t be all that hard to just slit your throat while you’re asleep.”

Roy blinks. “Should I be worried, darling?”

Ed shrugs.

“I love you,” Roy tries, hoping it will halt any planned assassination attempts. 

“I love you too, but I’m still secretly planning your untimely death. Can we go home now? I’m hungry.”


End file.
